EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX
Tagline: You haven't seen anything until you've seen everything
Pizza: Joe Peeps
Preshow Entertainment: Selected segments from COPS and VEGAS STRIP
FOR THIS INSTALLMENT OF THE CLUB,
WE THOUGHT WE'D GIVE YOU A LITTLE WOODY
WE THOUGHT WE'D GIVE YOU A LITTLE WOODY
There are no two things existing in the world, not even the actual North and South Poles, more polar opposite than the Woody Allen of today and the Woody Allen of 1973. Sure, both Woodys are (were) filmmakers, but really, can we compare the tones of 2011's MIDNIGHT IN PARIS to 1972's farcical and vaudevillian EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX (BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK)?
Written and directed by Allen, SEX was his chance to let loose and be naughty. It's Woody at his slapdashiest, and being in the pre-internet era of Dad's Playboys and saucy 60s and 70s movies, he was free to paint all over his Canvas of Comedy. Based on (or more correctly, a parody of) Dr. David Reuben's 1969 mass appeal "sex manual" of the same name, SEX is a series of blackout skits, each using a title from the book; titles like WHAT IS SODOMY?, WHAT ARE SEX PERVERTS?, and WHAT HAPPENS DURING EJACULATION? Of course, if you've seen this movie, you probably know SEX as the one where Gene Wilder sleeps with a sheep named Daisy. But you know, people who live in glass houses...
Anyway, because this is a sketch movie, Woody was able to jump genres - from the WHAT'S MY LINE? game show parody called WHAT'S MY PERVERSION? (featuring serial game show alums Jack Barry and Robert Q. Lewis as themselves) to foreign films (love Woody in those sunglasses) to 1950's sci-fi. It's all bookended by the two funniest sketches; The first, DO APHRODISIACS WORK?, has my favorite line in the whole movie, and it's a throwaway gag. I'm sure I'm the only one who loves it this much - a court jester (Woody, in one of his three roles in SEX), holds a scepter of his likeness (with black glasses) and is performing for the king: "It's great to be back here at the palace."
Before you and I discuss SEX with each other, permit me to make an observation. Can you imagine what it must have been like doing Props or Wardrobe on this movie? When you get the call from the producer - "Of course I'll work on the new Woody Allen film!...What's that? Really? That's great!...John Carradine...uh huh...Regis Philbin, Gene Wilder...wow...and Lou Jacobi, Lynn Redgrave...classy! Okay, so what props do I need? Uh huh....uh huh...whips...pork...a giant tit measuring 20' x 30'...that lactates...a human sized sperm cell...
Okay, here's the rundown. Strap on! I mean...Strap in!
DO APHRODISIACS WORK? Woody is the court jester, played as hack Borscht Belt. When reciting his jokes while walking through the castle, a guard walks away disgusted, muttering "Oh, Jesus." Woody's Fool has the hots for, and cops a feel on, the Queen (Lynn Redgrave). When accused - "I would never lay my hands on the Royal Tomatoes." His lust overwhelming him, he seeks out a sorcerer (Geoffrey "Cola Nut" Holder) for a love potion for the queen. Prithee and alas, she is all over him like a cheap suitor. But uh oh, the king (Anthony Quayle) is suspicious! And though the ending will be funny, it's not going to be happy. Redgrave and Quayle, both Shakespearian actors, commit to the raunchy silliness, making this particular skit shine.
WHAT IS SODOMY? Woody presents his sodomy skit (though I'd say it's more in the subset of a bestiality skit, but what do I know?) using Gene Wilder as a doctor who falls in love with a sheep. Wilder, like Redgrave and Quayle (and everyone in this movie, now that I think about it) plays it straight-faced. This whole thing is as much as a surprise to him as it is to us. During his divorce, the judge declares: "The defendant did commit an adulterous act with a sheep. It's most distasteful in view of the fact that the sheep was under 18 years old." It's a great little skit, unfortunately buttoned with a cheap joke.
WHY DO SOME WOMEN HAVE TROUBLE REACHING AN ORGASM? In this clever send-up of Fellini et al., Woody's real life ex, Louise Lasser, plays Gina, a woman with no sex drive whatsoever...except when she's in public. Woody plays her new husband, Fabrizio, who, in order to be satisfied, finds himself and Gina in furniture showrooms, art galleries, churches and under other people's restaurant tables.
ARE TRANSVESTITES HOMOSEXUALS? A tour de force for character actor Lou Jacobi, who plays Sam, an unassuming elderly Jewish man who happens to enjoy (okay, really enjoy) dressing up in women's clothes. While over another couple's house, Sam slips away to the bathroom, but it's just a ruse to get into the closet of the hostess and try on her dresses and unmentionables. Will he get caught? Well, sure. And it's milked beautifully.
WHAT ARE SEX PERVERTS? A spot-on parody of game shows (of the time) finds real panelists (of the time) once again playing it straight. Instead of the panelists trying to guess a contestant's line of work, well...you get it...it's in the title. As they take turns and flip the cards, panelists guess things like "Do you molest children?" (it's great to hear Regis ask that) and "I'll take a wild guess. Are you a rapist?"
ARE THE FINDINGS OF DOCTORS AND CLINICS WHO DO SEXUAL RESEARCH EXPERIMENTS ACCURATE? I suppose the germ of this idea came from Woody's brain: "What if Kinsey was not just a researcher, but a mad scientist?" Woody, as a researcher named Victor (my guess is that's a FRANKENSTEIN reference) sets out to interview the mysterious Dr. Bernardo (the great John Carradine, screamingly dry and funny here). But when he and tag-along reporter Helen (Heather McCrae) get there, they find his experiments more than a bit crazy (they include forcing a man to have intercourse with a large rye bread). They manage to escape his burning house just in time (Victor to Helen, as they jump in the car for their getaway: "Now we owe them a dinner."), only to take on the task of finding and stopping one of his experiments gone wrong - a gigantic breast, which is roaming the countryside. It's the exact thing that is really funny on paper, but maybe not in execution. But leave it to Woody (through Dr. Bernardo, of course) to make it even funnier on film.
WHAT HAPPENS DURING EJACULATION? This outing is beyond clever in so many ways, one of which is casting Tony Randall and Burt Reynolds as workers in a Mission Control-type area of the brain. In this case, it's the brain of Sydney. We follow the workerbees as their host goes on a date (Erin Fleming, actress?/singer?/Groucho-Hanger-On (I'm being nice)/suicidee). This skit doesn't need me to write about it, it needs you to see it..if only for Woody's portrayal of a cowardly sperm.
Another segment, cut from the film, had Woody and Lasser playing black widow spiders, snipped out because he had no real ending. Okay Woody, then please explain the foreign film parody where they can only have sex in public. That skit has no ending at all. Notorious for not including extras on a DVD, it's both sad and doubtful he'll ever let this segment see the light of day, if it even still exists at all.
When asked about the genius of this film, Woody himself said, "I would hardly call it genius, but I do sometimes have a sudden flash."
Preshow Entertainment: Selected segments from COPS and VEGAS STRIP
