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The Preshow Entertainment was MOVIN' WITH NANCY. I had no idea what this tape was, other than it was Nancy Sinatra. What a pleasant surprise. It was a TV special from the '60s, featuring Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., and Daddy. As far as I know, Daddy only did a cameo at the beginning, playing a guard at a gate (we didn't get to watch the whole thing).

So, this was a special liked they used to do them. A vanity piece with camp and joy. Nancy wore lots of boots and lip synched in many locations. For UP UP AND AWAY she was in a hot air balloon. But she was also near the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and the Vertigo lighthouse in SF. Dean just strolls into a shot and starts singing. He was great. In fact, the whole show was really wonderful. We almost made it to the end. But I don't think we made it to Sammy. We probably had about 10 minutes left. Oh! And they left in the old RC Cola ads. Nice touch.

The Random Movie for July was: KISS OF FIRE

When I first selected it, instead of having a tape number, it said BR. It took me a few seconds to realize that this meant Back Room. See, I keep a few movies in the Back Room. Maybe 10. Movies I want to eventually get rid of for one reason or another. Well, it wasn't hard to guess why I was getting rid of it. KISS OF FIRE is horrible. But you may ask, Why did you even have it? That's easy. Because I'm a guy, and the movie stars Kelly Bundy. I got this shit movie free from where I used to work. Talk about perks. (Coincidence Alert: I got MOVIN' WITH NANCY from there as well, where I got only 12 things of the 1000+ RMC entries).

When I first selected it, not only was I flustered with "BR", but I also had no idea what this movie was until I actually went to the Back Room and dug it out. I laughed to myself, cued it up in the other room, and kept a poker face. It's really funny to know what the movie is, and watch people trying to guess it from the opening. "Oh! It's a Miramax film!" "Huh? Christina Applegate?" "Wha? Kiss of Fire???"

Well, I'm not sure if you guys remember another bad movie we saw years ago called RIVER RED. This one was bad, but RR was even worse. Still the worst movie in the history of RMC and maybe the world (we had only one guest in attendance for RR, and he never came back). But KOF was really awful too. Of course, when a movie is bad, we get to make fun of it. Which we did. Lots of fun. Gary was on fire, which was a treat. Even Spencer was making jokes. And Dawn was killing me. (Steven's always funny.) We don't need no Tom Servo and Crow. This is RMC. For those of you non-attendees, you should know that we don't really joke in the movie too much. Only when a movie is this bad.

KISS OF FIRE is apparently really called CLAUDINE'S RETURN (or so it said at the END of the movie - I think this is the name of it overseas, but they forgot to remove it from the end titles). Taking a page from FLASHDANCE, Kelly Bundy plays a hotel laundress by day, and a stripper by night. We weren't sure if her name was Skye, Cristiana (someone may have called her by her real name?), or Claudine. The love/hate interest, Stephano, started out by getting a job as a plumber, but he never plumbed. He did garden and fix a broken car (then stole it).

Here's what happened next- Together, they stole a bird, which costs "$1800 plus tax." Then Kelly left to visit her lesbian friend Marla, and Stephano drove her, even though they had fought and made up 5 or 6 times and Kelly doesn't want him anymore. Then, Kelly gets to the drag club to learn that Marla left with a fat man. Then, Kelly finds a new lesbian named Olga, which infuriates Stephano even more. Then, Steven and Gary sang local commercial jingles from the '60s. Then, Kelly dies and comes back as a little girl, we think. The end.

And don't just take my word for how bad this movie is. When you look it up on IMDb, it says: If you like this title, we recommend CAPTAIN CORELLI'S MANDOLIN.

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