CARRIED AWAY
Your June 2005 RMC LITE results are in!
Burning down the horse!
"What the???!!!!!" --Dennis Hopper
Tonight's movie was CARRIED AWAY, and I'm 'fraid that's just what we got with our little remarks and asides. I only have this movie for two reasons: Amy Locane's tits.
It's a terrible movie about a man, injured (comically) in a black and white flashback (he falls backwards off a tractor, out of frame!), and who is tormented by:
1- He's not a farmer because he is lame
2- He can't commit to the woman he loves
3- His mother is dying
4- They are closing the small school he's taught at his whole life
5- The new school is 60 miles away, and they won't let him teach there
6- Amy Locane's tits.
Dennis Hopper plays Joseph. He's the most un-Hopper anyone can be, almost like Jack Nicholson playing a mime. It appears he took the wrong drugs this time, as he's almost sedated. He has no reaction to anything, even when a horse is on fire (yeah, you read that right). And he looks like Scorsese if you plucked Marty's brows off.
Catherine (Locane) joins Joseph's class, looking like a hot bucket of Lolita. In little time they are fucking ("I think we should make love now") in his hayloft (Catherine: What do you keep up here? Joseph: Oh, just some hay...). Then, she shows her tits.
Later, Amy Locane shows her tits again, riding completely naked and bareback on her horse, which is kept in Joesph's barn. And later later, when Amy Locane is not on screen (but surely showing her tits), Dennis shows us his 60 year old Hopper, and Gary Busey shows us his amazing teeth. So there's something for everyone. 
Meanwhile, Joseph is second guessing his relationship with Rosealee (Amy Irving, who also co-produced and does full frontal as well). Meanwhile meanwhile, Joseph's mother (Julie Harris) is dying while wearing a bonnet. And she knows what's going on with Joseph and Catherine. In fact, almost everyone but Rosealee knows. Even the family doctor Hal Holbrook, who I suppose had no presidents to portray that month, knows. In fact in fact, the best moment (for us) in the film comes when Joseph and Catherine are sleeping in the barn, naked as jaybirds, and Holbrook enters (why is he walking into the barn anyway?). Holbrook sees them and says, "What are you doing in here with her?," Joseph looks over and pretends he was just sleeping naked in the hay alone, and is unaware of 17 year old Amy Locane and her tits laying on him, and shouts out in faux shock, "What the???!!!!"
CARRIED AWAY was directed by Amy Irving's partner of 15 years, Bruno Baretto. His biggest movie to date was the critically trashed A VIEW FROM THE TOP (which by comparison is THE GODFATHER to CARRIED AWAY).
Nothing much happens in this movie, until Amy Locane and her tits set fire to Joseph's barn. I guess she didn't realize her horse would light up like a Pinto (car, that is). So at least we got to see a horse on fire.
The movie is slow. Halfway through, we nearly opted for a documentary on molasses. But if a movie throws you lemons, you throw them right back. And that we did. Wouldn't want to bore you with our (what we pass off as) witticisms, but we certainly laughed a lot.
Tags: random movie club, carried away, dennis hopper, amy locane
