LIVE VIRGIN (aka AMERICAN VIRGIN)
Let's just say there was more drama in getting the pizza delivered than in the movie.
The Preshow Entertainment was FILM ON FILM: ROGER CORMAN. I'm pretty sure this was a documentary called ROGER CORMAN: HOLLYWOOD'S WILD ANGEL (1977), and Film On Film ran it. FOF was a PBS show (no old commercials, damn) in the '80s. I taped this one when it first aired. In the opening credits, "Scorsese" is spelled wrong. How fitting for a Corman doc.
A lot of people owe their careers to Roger Corman. In fact, Coppola gave him a part in THE GODFATHER: PART II to show his thanks. Then there's Ron Howard (here yapping about GRAND THEFT AUTO), Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, Joe Dante, and on and on. This show had co-directors Dante and Allan Arkush, all young and oh so '70s-y, talking to us about Corman from the set of their film HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD. No one knew soon afterwards they'd make GREMLINS and ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, respectively. So, here are all these people selling us on Corman. At the time, they probably needed to sing his praises. But now, we know him. But it's still great to see David Carradine (who looks better now), and pre-ball-capped Ron Howard glowing about the unwritten laws of a Corman production (more explosions, more tits, more chases, and maybe a moral).
The movie selected was a mess of a madcap comedy (I think) called LIVE VIRGIN. The movie was later renamed AMERICAN VIRGIN to exploit Mena Suvari's then newfound heat, and complete her American Hat Trick (Beauty, Pie, Virgin).
Anyway, as credits seem to continue 15 minutes into the 82 minute movie, we learn Robert Loggia (heretofore "Rob") and Bob Hoskins (who I always suspected were the same person until now) play warring pornographers. When Bob steals Rob's wife, Rob gets back at him by convincing his daughter (Suvari, looking like a macaw) to lose her virginity on live TV or the internet (I can't recall). But not only that, guys can buy a virtual reality kit so they can cyber-fuck her. And that's great, because it has always been my dream to see cast member Vincent Schiavelli in a cyber-scuba-suit.
There are a lot of subplots (Suvari's ex-boyfriend following Rob around) and shenanigans (Rob has his henchman tattoo a cock on Bob's head, at least they said that's what it was. I thought it was Ms. Pacman.), but the subplots made you plotz and the hijinks never really ensues. It's a wagonful of Bob and Rob lung-screaming at each other lots of "You son of a bitch!" stuff. They sounded like the neighborhood dogs after a car alarm goes off. Although the HBO card at the beginning promised us Brief Nudity, we got a lot of Bob and Rob topless. Yummy.
Best lines in the movie? For real? Suvari's ex, who she thinks slept with a girl in school, says to her, "You are a....tart!" This makes her face get really mad, and she replies, "More of a tart than Blinky Horowitz???"
Rounding out this mad bad bad bad bad world is Esai Morales (a friend I haven't seen since we saw THE BIG CHILL together in NYC), and Sally Kellerman as a Sally Jesse talk show host. But here's a clue on how bad everyone in it is; Ron Jeremy is the best actor in the movie. And I mean that. He was funny. But not the funniest part of the movie. That would have to be the names in the opening credits: Aiisa Djabri, Farrad Laouassa, Alladin Pojhan, and our favorite: Music By Czerkinsky. Oh, but here- they spelled Esai Morales' name wrong in the opening credits!Unforgivable! Well, unless it's a Roger Corman thing.
Tags: random movie club, live virgin, roger corman, film on film
