ROUTE 9
Your July 2007 UMC Results Are In!
Tagline: Be Careful Who You Trust
As a special treat, for the 9th Anniversary of RMC, you may choose your own title from the list below:
ROUTE 9 IS A DEAD END
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AMY LOCANE PULLS THROUGH FOR US AGAIN BY APPEARING IN YET ANOTHER SUCKY MOVIE
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A SIMPLETON PLAN
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THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROUTE 9 OF ALL EVIL
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IF YOU ARE THINKING OF WATCHING ROUTE 9, YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE THE DETOUR
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ROUTE 9 (ALTERNATE TITLE: ABBOTT AND COSTELLO FIND A BAG O' MONEY)
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TO GET TO ROUTE 9, MAKE A RIGHT AT CLICHE ROAD, THEN DOG-LEG LEFT TO CRAPPY ACTING BOULEVARD
***
MAYBE IF I SAW ROUTES 1-8, I'D HAVE LIKED ROUTE 9 MORE
***
ROUTE 9 = STRIC 9
ROUTE 9, as you probably have guessed, is a pedestrian effort where you can easily guess the next line, the next scene, and possibly the amount of seconds between your eye rolls. There is nothing new here, yet it took 3 writers 18 months to cobble it together (I may not get my 102 minutes back, but they'll never get their 18 months back). But hey, at least they got a movie made so they can be proud of that. And embarrassed at the same time.
We begin on an abandoned farm, and a shootout over drugs and money. All parties die. Moments later, two stupid deputies (they may as well have come directly from the set of DUMBEST AND DUMBESTER) arrive - Booth Parker (Kyle MacMachlan, as emotionless as ever) and Earl Whitney (Wade "PRISON BREAK cartoon character" Williams). Unable to resist the $1 million left behind, they steal it, only to learn that one of the dead people is still alive. So they kill him. But it turns out he was an undercover DEA agent.
The two deputies begin to unravel as the DEA sends in a boring agent to find out what happened. Feeling squeezed, the medical examiner further complicates things by discovering the plan and wanting 1/3, and later 1/2 of the money. Guess what happens to him.
Anyway, the two idiots (I mean, they're cops, they should know things about crime scenes when they are committing the crimes) find themselves deeper and deeper in trouble. And we don't care at all. In fact, we rooted for their demise.
And amid all this cliched, benign drama, RMC Mascot Amy Locane pops up. She's the battered wife of Sheriff Hogan (a dull Peter Coyote), and is also having an affair with Booth. Amy, we love you, but if we ask nicely, will you make a good movie? Pretty please?
And in case a free mil ain't enough temptation on its own, you get character motivation; Earl's in hock to his ears (showcased with scenes and characters that come and go, and never pay off), and Booth dreams of becoming an inventor (his big idea is shirt buttons that clip to your shirt collar so it looks like it's a...wait for it...shirt collar with two buttons). Ralph Kramden had better ideas.
Almost everyone in this movie is a moron who makes irrational decisions. And they're mostly law enforcement officers. Who works the HR desk at these places, Leslie Nielsen?
I can go on for years, but I won't. I'll die so that you can live. I will tell you this, though; on the director's commentary (I could only get through 15 minutes of it), helmer David Mackay said he saw Amy Locane in the movie CARRIED AWAY where "she did a phenomenal job" and "that performance sold me." And that, my friend, is all you ever need to know.
Tags: random movie club, route 9, kyle maclachlan, amy locane
Tagline: Be Careful Who You Trust
As a special treat, for the 9th Anniversary of RMC, you may choose your own title from the list below:
ROUTE 9 IS A DEAD END
***
AMY LOCANE PULLS THROUGH FOR US AGAIN BY APPEARING IN YET ANOTHER SUCKY MOVIE
***
A SIMPLETON PLAN
***
THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROUTE 9 OF ALL EVIL
***
IF YOU ARE THINKING OF WATCHING ROUTE 9, YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE THE DETOUR
***
ROUTE 9 (ALTERNATE TITLE: ABBOTT AND COSTELLO FIND A BAG O' MONEY)
***
TO GET TO ROUTE 9, MAKE A RIGHT AT CLICHE ROAD, THEN DOG-LEG LEFT TO CRAPPY ACTING BOULEVARD
***
MAYBE IF I SAW ROUTES 1-8, I'D HAVE LIKED ROUTE 9 MORE
***
ROUTE 9 = STRIC 9
We begin on an abandoned farm, and a shootout over drugs and money. All parties die. Moments later, two stupid deputies (they may as well have come directly from the set of DUMBEST AND DUMBESTER) arrive - Booth Parker (Kyle MacMachlan, as emotionless as ever) and Earl Whitney (Wade "PRISON BREAK cartoon character" Williams). Unable to resist the $1 million left behind, they steal it, only to learn that one of the dead people is still alive. So they kill him. But it turns out he was an undercover DEA agent.
The two deputies begin to unravel as the DEA sends in a boring agent to find out what happened. Feeling squeezed, the medical examiner further complicates things by discovering the plan and wanting 1/3, and later 1/2 of the money. Guess what happens to him.
And amid all this cliched, benign drama, RMC Mascot Amy Locane pops up. She's the battered wife of Sheriff Hogan (a dull Peter Coyote), and is also having an affair with Booth. Amy, we love you, but if we ask nicely, will you make a good movie? Pretty please?
And in case a free mil ain't enough temptation on its own, you get character motivation; Earl's in hock to his ears (showcased with scenes and characters that come and go, and never pay off), and Booth dreams of becoming an inventor (his big idea is shirt buttons that clip to your shirt collar so it looks like it's a...wait for it...shirt collar with two buttons). Ralph Kramden had better ideas.
Almost everyone in this movie is a moron who makes irrational decisions. And they're mostly law enforcement officers. Who works the HR desk at these places, Leslie Nielsen?
I can go on for years, but I won't. I'll die so that you can live. I will tell you this, though; on the director's commentary (I could only get through 15 minutes of it), helmer David Mackay said he saw Amy Locane in the movie CARRIED AWAY where "she did a phenomenal job" and "that performance sold me." And that, my friend, is all you ever need to know.
Tags: random movie club, route 9, kyle maclachlan, amy locane
