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December 22, 2009

WEST SIDE STORY


Your December Unrandom Movie Club Results Are In!

Tagline: THE MOST ACCLAIMED MOTION PICTURE OF OUR TIME!


Pizza: Joe Peep's


Preshow Entertainment: None





HOMEO AND JEWLIET


Yep. It took four gay Jews to make one of the best (if not the best) modern musicals. Leonard Bernstein's score, Stephen Sondheim's lyrics, Jerome Robbins' choreography and Arthur Laurents' book have all conspired to create a masterpiece. Broadway and movie musicals have morphed (think MOULIN ROUGE) since the Golden Age (think OKLAHOMA), but boy, boy, crazy boy this film holds up exceptionally well for a 50 year old. And who'd have thought NYC gang members could get away with those terpsichorean moves. Imagine trying that in BOYZ N THE HOOD.

WSS opens with something you don't have too often in movie musicals these days - an overture. Hell, even Broadway musicals don't do much of that anymore. WSS's overture could win a rumble against any show, which means we hear Bernstein's genius at work before we see any characters. We're actually watching what looks like a UPC code transform into the Manhattan skyline.


And so begins the modern day (late 50s modern, that is) story, lifted from Shakespeare's ROMEO AND JULIET. This version takes place in New York City, home of street gang the Jets, now led by Riff (Russ Tamblyn, Amber's dad and my future father-in-law). The Jets' territory is being encroached upon by the recently emigrated Puerto Rican gang, the Sharks, and what starts off as a turf war (done in its new genre "tough guy ballet") becomes a love story. A love story that's doomed from the start.

Riff is just so cool. He was when I saw the movie when I was a kid and he is now. Riff in that jacket, speaking daddy-o lines, flicking that cigarette, balancing on that pole, he was the real Buddy Love. Riff tells us that you're a Jet "from your first cigarette to your last dying day." How cool is that?

In order to challenge rival Bernardo (George Chakiris) and his Sharks to a rumble, Riff must enlist ex-Jet top cat/now working-man Tony (Richard Beymer) to join him. Though Tony has hung up his street-gang ballet slippers, he agrees, out of their undying friendship. And it's at this dance that Tony and Bernardo's sister Maria (Natalie Wood) meet and instantly click. In the next two hours songs will be sung, dances danced and fights fought. And these violent delights will have violent ends.

Some changes were made when WSS transitioned from stage (1957) to screen (1961). Dialogue like "From sperm to worm" became "from birth to earth." And lyrics went from "My father is a bastard, my ma's an SOB" to "My daddy beats my mommy, my mommy clobbers me". And in the TONIGHT QUINTET, Anita's "As long as he's hot" became "As long as he's near."
Tame and almost laughable changes by today's standards (
SHREK has more "offensive" language..."eat me!"), but I suppose they were needed. My favorite change is also in the TONIGHT QUINTET, when Riff and Tony are meant to yell out (once again) "sperm to worm", they now yell out "1, 2, 3!" I have to believe it was someone's "fuck you" to censorship.

A change that I'm wholeheartedly behind is the song order; moving the playful GEE, OFFICER KRUPKE from after the murders (why was it there to begin with?) to earlier in the film, leaving COOL in its rightful place. But all these structural and lyrical changes mean little when looking at the overall accomplishment.


Winner of ten Academy Awards, WEST SIDE STORY was directed by Robert Wise and Jerome Robbins. The show itself was Robbins' baby, having come up with the idea in 1947. At that time, it was a religious wedge (Catholic boy/Jewish girl) that made the love forbidden, and it was called EAST SIDE STORY. It took a full ten years to retool, regroup, and launch WSS as what we know today.

When it came time to make the movie, Robbins demanded directorship or he wouldn't sell. The compromise was to co-direct with Wise, who would do all the drama while Robbins did all the dance numbers. But Robbins was a workhorse and a perfectionist. He was notoriously tough on dancers, who he pushed until they were injured, and in one case, hospitalized. It's said that after COOL was wrapped, the cast burned their kneepads in front of Robbins' door. And because he kept changing things on the set, it wasn't long before they were over-budget and behind schedule (a two week location shoot took over two months). Alas, poor Jerome was removed a little over halfway into the shoot.

Wise, who edited CITIZEN KANE and would soon direct THE SOUND OF MUSIC as well as genre-hop with movies like 1983's STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (can you imagine McCoy doing that outstretched leap?), was more low-key. But who's to say that if Robbins wasn't there to drive those songs, WSS would still be what it is. Not me. Because the choreography is thrilling. Busting with energy ("Bust cool!"), it's really something special. Tamblyn tumbled (he was surely a gymnast), Chakiris was classy and Moreno a spitfire. And whenever the Jets and the Sharks were together (the winning prologue, the dance at the gym, the rumble), it was electric. ODD NOTE: Both Tamblyn and Beymer would appear three decades later in TWIN PEAKS.


I'm not sure any movie comes close to the number of showstoppers that WSS has. It's almost ridiculous to the point where you want to applaud your TV screen (audiences applauded in the theaters as well as at the box office, where WSS ran 77 weeks). Though it's hard for me to choose a favorite, COOL ranks way high, right to the very last note when the Jets are looking up and...right at us. But did they really break the fourth wall? After a cut, we see they're still looking up...at something. Us? Who knows? But it sure was COOL.


And now a word about the music: Wow.

Beneath Leonard Bernstein's jazz-soaked score you'll find lush strings, brassy mambo and melodic and emotional ballads, and you probably know most of them. Time signatures that fit seamlessly yet confounded the dancers. Memorable melody lines (when was the last time you saw a show and left humming one of its songs, let along all of them? I thought so...). Songs have been covered by just about everyone, from Barbra Streisand to Tom Waits, from Buddy Rich (whose live show often featured his WEST SIDE STORY MEDLEY, which I was fortunate enough to see a few times) to Todd Rundgren. From GLEE to prog rockers Yes. Hell, even Phil Collins tried but couldn't ruin SOMEWHERE.

After this viewing, I got such a bad case of Music From WSS Fever that I watched a DVD called LEONARD BERNSTEIN CONDUCTS WEST SIDE STORY. What a fantastic documentary. Yeah, so you've seen WSS and you don't want to watch it again (shame on you). Then at least watch this documentary (Netflix). It's thrilling. No joke. Thrilling. Perhaps the best thing I've seen all year.

When I was in 6th grade, we had an assignment to, well, I don't really remember what it was. All I remember was I read the novelization of WEST SIDE STORY and rewrote it as a science fiction story about two planets that didn't get along. There were the MontaSharks and the CapuJets. The planet was named Wesit, hence the story's title - WESIT STORY. I remember that novelization well. It was small and hard-covered and red. I wish I still had it. I wish I still had WESIT STORY. What happens to these things? In the trash with the now priceless baseball cards, I suppose.

If I had to find a weakness in WSS, it would be in the acting. With a few exceptions (Rita Moreno as Anita shines, and Ned Glass' Doc can make you whimper), it's all pretty flat. Save for Natalie "Meteor" Wood. Her performance in the last few minutes is killer. Metaphorically, of course.

Speaking of performances; though it's well known that singer Marni Nixon dubbed Wood's singing voice, I was surprised to learn that she wasn't the only one dubbed; Tamblyn, Beymer, even Moreno (only on A BOY LIKE THAT).

There are others to credit for WEST SIDE STORY, like lyricist Stephen Sondheim (don't get me started...I may not stop), storyteller Ernest Lehman (Really? This script and NORTH BY NORTHWEST?) and effects pioneer Linwood Dunn who worked with Wise on KANE (someone should name a theater after him). And the wonderful production design and colors provided by designer Boris Leven. Though most of the movie was shot on sound stages, many exteriors were shot where Lincoln Center stands today, before what was there was torn down (I think they paid the city to postpone construction so they could shoot freely on the streets).

You must be tired of me gushing, but the truth is you're getting off easy because WEST SIDE STORY isn't even my favorite musical. But it's up there at #5. And no, I didn't tear up this time. But when no one was around, I watched it again so I could work on this write-up and okay, it got to me. So yeah, I buggin' love WEST SIDE STORY. And if you don't, well then Krup you.

December 01, 2009

JAILBAIT


Your December Random Movie Club Results Are In!

Tagline: A comedy about getting off…..with probation

Pizza: JC's Famous Pizza

Preshow Entertainment: THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW



JAILBAIT ISN'T THE WORST
MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.
NO WAIT, MAYBE IT IS.



I was excited when the title JAILBAIT popped up as the selection in the Random Movie Generator. But when I went to grab the movie off the wall, it turned out it wasn't the Ed Wood JAIL BAIT of 1954.


I'm tempted to tell you how great this movie is, but it's just not so. Not by a million miles. But I thought; I had to watch it, why shouldn't you? Well I'm mean, but not that mean. Heck, I wouldn't even be offended if you didn't read this write-up. But then again, if you read on, maybe you can feel my pain. After all, I died so that you may live, so you sort of owe me. In fact, I had to watch this movie twice to do this write-up, so I rented the DVD as well. It had some nudity not featured in the version we watched (which originally aired on MTV in 2000), but, and I cannot believe I’m about to say this, all the young naked breasts in the world couldn’t save this condescending and cynical load of monkey dump. This movie doesn't even have its own Wikipedia page. Christ, even Normanichthys crockeri and La Branza, California have one.

JAILBAIT is a comedy about a high school cad who, while dating the most popular girl in school, dates and paws every girl he can. He even knocks up a fifteen year old trailer slut and a half. And then, he turns 18…and suddenly this movie turns into everyone's favorite comedy topic - statutory rape.

But let me be serious for a second. You see, I actually think this is a great idea for a movie, because doesn't this describe a ton (million?) of kids right now? Because she was not yet 16 and he was just 18 (state laws vary, please boink responsibly), he now faces a 40 year jail term. I've been thinking of an idea like this for a script for a decade now (must I do everything?); five minutes before midnight on her 16th birthday, he's a criminal...but ten minutes later, he's not. I think this is a great story and would make a compelling drama (maybe someone has done it?). But instead, they made an immature, flat, unfunny and excruciating movie that they should be ashamed of. And to add insult to insult, every character in JAILBAIT is dumb and self-serving. Here’s a character breakdown:

  • ADAM (Kevin Mundy) – Boyfriend of Amber’s. Eyes every female. Sleeps with lots of them. Idiot. Gets Gynger pregnant.
  • GYNGER (Alycia Purrott) – 15. No Mary Ann here, this little Kelly Bundy is a trailer tramp who doesn’t even like Adam that much. Has a boyfriend in jail. (Where was this girl when I was in high school?)
  • AMBER (Reagan Pasternack) – Wants to be “the next Mr. Adam.” Virgin ("sex is only fun when you’re married"). Sees Adam’s promiscuity as an immature phase that’s really hard for him. (Where was this girl when I was in high school?)
  • CLOPPERMAN (Scott McCord) – Adam’s showy, lousy and (wait for it) farting lawyer.
  • LYDIA STONE (Mo Gaffney) - Assistant DA, vying for mayor. Uses Adam’s “sexual offender” status to up her profile.

So Stone sees to it that Gynger (now referred to by her initials: GAG) and Adam’s situation makes headlines, and at the advice of Clopperman, the two pretend to be in love. This leaves Amber on the sidelines, but she’s okay with that because Clopperman tells her there will be a payday. Yep. Unbelievably, each scene is worse (read: shittier) than the one before it. And it doesn’t help that Amber VOs the entire movie, doubly annoying as she does it with a screechy, mousy, fake-teen-talking voice.

One particularly reprehensible scene has Adam and Gynger trying to get rid of their unborn baby through words (“Why don’t you try punching me in the stomach?”) and actions (like rolling her down a hill, shaking her upside down, catapulting her from a tennis net, or having her drink a blender concoction with ingredients like pizza, sardines, pickles and….live frog. Moviemaking to be proud of. The only thing JAILBAIT is missing is Mary Gross faceplanting into mashed potatoes and Matt Frewer eagerly offering to demonstrate to (and with) his son how to masturbate. Oh okay, I was fibbing. That's all in the movie too.

Then there’s dialogue like - Amber: "So what if my boyfriend knocked up a 15 year old girl. Twice. Does that mean he has to spend all my childbearing years in jail?"


JAILBAIT tries hard, no, desperately, to hit every MTV bullet point. It even includes a pointless (out-of-nowhere!) faux music video where Gynger mimics Britney's BABY ONE MORE TIME. There's a Smash Mouth song too (though not one of the famous ones, natch) to score a few extra credit MTV points. Oh, and hey, like wanna get drunk? Knock one back every time a “record scratch” is used.

Now I know exactly what you're thinking; "This objet d'art does not warrant such vituperative criticism. Rich is obviously an old guy who doesn't understand this young movie." Let me just say this - maybe you're right. Maybe they were just trying to ride the AMERICAN PIE wave of the era. But PIE, like it or not, was more than shock moments and gross-outs. It had characters that people that age could relate to. If you relate to the characters in JAILBAIT, well that just means I've probably seen you in the audience of THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW. With all the ingredients in JAILBAIT, they forgot to bake the damn PIE. And we're left to eat it uncooked.

Writer/director Allan Moyle really messed this one up. Big time. Especially sad because he wrote and directed the infinitely superior PUMP UP THE VOLUME and the sleeper movie NEW WATERFORD GIRL which was so warm. How does that happen?

JAILBAIT was based on an actual case, but the judge was lenient and the town rallied and the boy got two years probation. See? Toldya it was a good idea for a movie.


The funniest part of the night came after the movie was over. See, I taped this off of MTV when it originally aired in 2000. Apparently, they thought this crap would be controversial enough to warrant an epilogue disclaimer. So there he was, MTV's own John Norris, sitting on the stool and looking at us, and saying the words that made us all burst out laughing: "Hi, this is John Norris from MTV News. I hope you enjoyed tonight's movie JAILBAIT, which was obviously a comedy..."


Preshow Entertainment: THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW


This was the one that started it all. Taped live in 1981, Paul Reubens created and locked into not just a character but a world, and he let us watch. I've seen so many live theater shows that try and capture this tone...and fail.


Pee-Wee Herman, the playful, sometimes naughty boy comes alive in a seamless hour of non-stop glee. He’s assisted by supporting players (including the late Phil Hartman) that are like the E Street Band to Bruce. I can’t imagine the moron in the audience back in 1981 not realizing they were watching something special. Man, I could almost smell the theater in my living room, which is not such a great choice of phrase considering it’s Reubens.


Originally aired as part of HBO's ON LOCATION, THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW (not to be confused with his PLAYHOUSE series) is now on DVD, and I totally suggest you rent it. Okay, okay!

November 17, 2009

SPIDER-MAN 3

Spider-Man 3
Your November Unrandom Movie Club Results Are In!

Tagline: How long can any man fight the darkness... before he finds it in himself?


Pizza: Joe Peeps


Preshow Entertainment: THINGS THAT AREN'T HERE ANYMORE





A: BLOATED, CHEAP AND LAZY

Q: NAME THREE THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON
WITH SPIDER-MAN 3


I've seen many comic book movies, but sadly, have enjoyed few. Mostly because I don't care what happens to these heroes any more than I care about what happens to a character in a video game or an L-shape in Tetris.

And it's not like I haven't tried. I've seen 7 BATMEN, 5 SUPERMEN, a DAREDEVIL, a CATWOMAN, a not-so-SUPERGIRL, a FANTASTICly bad 4 (both), 3 X MEN (WOLVERINE? Oh puh-lease...), two less than credible HULKs, ELEKTRA, WATCHMEN and the man in the iron suit. Only two have thrilled me (answers coming up). Sure, an occasional one slips through that's pretty great (oh boy, did KICK-ASS kick ass, and they had the Nic Cage Liability). But you gotta give me this - I've really tried. So it shocks me to say that...I did not hate SPIDER-MAN 3. But...I sure didn't love it either. The theme of SPIDER-MAN 3 is forgiveness (a great theme for a super hero movie), but I can't seem to forgive this movie. At all.

When I was a lad, I loved the Spidey comics and also the 70s cartoon. Hell, I even had (err, still have) the record THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, A ROCKOMIC. So when the first movie came out I was really excited until...I saw the movie. I liked Tobey and Kirsten and the whole origin story, but Spider-Man himself looked wrong. He looked like a cartoon. No, he looked like a video game avatar. I kept feeling like a first-person shooter, like I should have a gun in my hand so I could shoot him and get 200 points. Now don't get me (too) wrong, there is indeed a logic to movies looking like video games, as their demo is largely the video game generation (a demo I'm not in). So it also makes some sense that there are interminable fight scenes where no matter how many things are thrown at you or you're thrown into, you don't really ever get a scratch. But this isn't a video game, it's a movie. Why does it have to be a joystick without the joy (sorry, it was that or "joystick-in-the-mud")?


But with Spidey 3, I seemed to care a little more than usual. In fact, if you removed the comic book from the movie, you'd be left with a pretty decent romantic drama/comedy coupled with its forgiveness theme. It's about the choices we make, be they good or bad, which leads to an underlying theme - good people doing bad things and bad people doing good things. The problem is, the moviemakers are good people doing bad things, because this movie never punches through. First off, there are simply way too many things going on, and because of this, you can lose sight of major threads. In other words, SPIDER-MAN 3 is bloated (IRONY ALERT: Eddie Brock, Parker's photog rival at the Daily Bugle, actually says to Spider-Man, "I've noticed his stuff [Parker's Spider-Man fotos] makes you look a little bloated."). S3 also has moments where it could be really original, and instead, goes for the #1 cliche. That's cheap. And the holes that they don't even make an attempt to fill? That's just lazy. Yep, SPIDER-MAN 3 is bloated, cheap and lazy.


Let's explore. First up, bloated. All these things happen in what feels like a 24 hour period. NOTE: A few spoilers lay ahead...


BLOATED:

  • Peter wants to marry MJ.
  • MJ is on Broadway, but after one performance, that dream dies.
  • A meteorite containing black goo (called "symbiote" in the comic world) lands near an unsuspecting Peter Parker.
  • Flint Marko escapes from Rikers, tumbles into a secret particle accelerator, and becomes Sandman.
  • Harry, Peter's best friend, wants to kill Peter.
  • Harry gets amnesia.
  • The police chief's daughter, Gwen Stacy, puts a wedge between Peter and MJ.
  • Harry's amnesia goes away.
  • Harry becomes the New Goblin (or Goblin 2, or Goblin Jr), and wants to kill Peter...again.
  • Sandman wants to kill Spider-Man.
  • Daily Bugle editor Jameson wants to get a picture of Spider-Man doing something bad.
  • MJ breaks up with Peter.
  • Affected by the symbiote, Peter becomes, well, an asshole.
  • Eddie Brock becomes Venom after symbiote slimes him.
  • Venom wants to kill Spider-Man.
That's just too much. And as for the holes, here are a few examples of writing that just seem lazy. Lazy in the sense that, I felt they just said, "We don't have to explain ourselves. Moviegoers won't care." I realize the comic world is different than the real world, but that shouldn't mean you can do anything you want.

LAZY:

  • Why would Flint, still in his orange prison jumpsuit, go to his wife's place to see his kid when "The cops are looking for you!" Seems to me that would be the last place to go.
  • Why doesn't Peter just tell Harry that he didn't kill Harry's father, instead of saying things like "I need to talk to you. Explain things" and "I'm your friend, Harry. I cared about your father." It would have taken ten seconds.
  • When Harry and Peter (in his Peter Parker clothes) have a loud, 5.1 fight that bashes buildings and bricks and glass, not one person in the city sees and hears this??
  • Out of 6.8 billion people, how come there are only two people in the church - Spider-Man and Eddie Brock, who just happens to be praying for Spidey's death? And...to up the odds, Peter's discarded symbiote lands on Eddie?
  • When Venom has Spidey's wrists tied, Spidey can't break free. Yet he does, when it's convenient (in other words, how come he couldn't break free earlier?).
  • How exactly does Eddie/Venom know about Flint? After researching this online, the possible answer is that the symbiote knows what Spider-Man knows, so when it attaches to Eddie, it comes with that knowledge. But even if that's true, how the hell are we supposed to know that from watching the movie??
  • Why doesn't Harry or Eddie ever tell anyone that Peter is Spider-Man?
  • The absolute worse case of laziness occurs towards the end of the movie, when Harry's butler tells him that Parker had nothing to do with Harry's father's death. HUH? NOW YOU TELL HIM? NOW???? You know what, Butler-Man? You're fired.
  • Out of 6.8 billion people in the world, why does the symbiote latch onto one person, a kid who happens to be a super hero?
  • Out of 6.8 billion people, why was it Flint who happened to fall into a particle accelerator?

Okay, I suppose if I were a defense attorney, I'd argue that it's possible that millions of people got slimed by symbiote or fell into particle accelerators that day and that we're just following these two stories. Sure. That must be it. Wait. What? It's a comic book, you say? And that I need to let those things go? Well, no I don't. Maybe if they tackled some of these questions, perhaps weaving them into the story, instead of a popcorn movie they could have made a phenomenal movie. But since they didn't, that means their rules are basically whittled down to one:
  1. To serve the story, anything can happen at any time, with no real logic.
This irks me, in case you haven't noticed. For all the money they put into this film (hang onto your seats...SPIDER-MAN 3 is the most expensive film ever made, though the stats aren't in for AVATAR), couldn't they have made this a bit more...perfect?

As for cheap, here are some cliches they chose to use instead of rise above.


CHEAP:

  • Flint's daughter hands him a locket? What is this, 1872? Come on! Couldn't you think of something else? A freakin' pretzel would have worked better, because it's his daughter's and she gave it to him.
  • The character that "disappears" after the truck passes in front of him. Yep, haven't seen that before. And by before, I mean, before the invention of film.
  • Amnesia?????????????

And while I'm ranting...I just figured out why all those fight scenes don't work for me. Let's take the fight between Peter and Harry, a fight with (according to producers) at least 130 shots. But I ask them this - How many of those shots are static? Answer: None. See, I think if we even had one shot (or better yet, fifty) where the camera doesn't move at all, and only the characters do, we'd actually be able to see the fight, or see Spider-Man swooping between buildings. Instead, the camera swoops at 100mph, following them from behind, in front, the side, beneath, and on top. The geography becomes useless, and once that happens, who cares?

Yes, I'm being hard on Spidey. It is, after all, a comic book movie. So I guess my point is really - just because it's a comic book movie doesn't mean you have to settle. And just because the movie made a trillion dollars doesn't make it good or bad, creatively, though I bet the men in the Sony suits have different criteria. Maybe they should watch 1978's SUPERMAN and 1980's SUPERMAN II and see that they're all about story and character, and because of this, hold up today better than any super hero movie. Who will remember SPIDER-MAN 3 in thirty years?


So this is my plea for makers of super hero movies: Respect your audience the way other genres do. You couldn't get away with this stuff in, say, THE USUAL SUSPECTS. Or even BAMBI.


Okay, let me take a breath and tell you a few things I loved about SPIDER-MAN 3. First off, I love how flawed Peter is. He gets revenge-happy, which is surely a human trait. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson after revenge on the fight promoter in the first movie is what helped get his Uncle Ben (not of converted rice fame) killed. But he's still human (mostly), and it's these very issues that torment him. Especially when the symbiote brings out his darker side, in the form of cocky struts, obnoxious behavior and a Crispin Glover haircut. Also, I like that he's still poor (he has a crummy apartment, moped and no cell phone), when he could certainly exploit himself and earn some coin.


And I loved the jazz club scene, a scene that's lost more than one moviegoer. Parker goes for jazz-cool, exhibiting Fosse moves with all the grace of Springsteen DANCING IN THE DARK. But besides the comic relief, the scene ends with a pivotal Jekyll/Hyde that asks - just how dark are our dark sides?

I also really liked, as mentioned earlier, the forgiveness theme. The best line in the movie for me was when Parker corners Eddie, who is begging him to not reveal his misdeed - Parker: "You want forgiveness? Get religion." And then later, both Parker and Eddie take that advice.


And then there's the acting. Boy oh boy do I love Tobey Maguire in this movie. I believe it's Maguire who lifts this movie above what it really is. His performance is so right. It's nuanced when it needs to be, and other times, fittingly over-the-top. But it's the Peter Parker stuff that gets me. Just watch his face when Harry tells him who the other guy in MJ's life is. No, not just his face...his eyes. They are processing the information he's hearing. It's a touch that goes largely unnoticed yet is as, no, is more important than him beating up a bad guy. I also like Topher Grace a whole lot. I mean, he's just good in everything (I've enjoyed him in IN GOOD COMPANY and WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON). Also great, J.K. Simmons (you know, Juno's dad) as Bugle editor J. Jonah Jameson.



As for effects, well, I go on record stating that Sandman is, by far, the best villain in decades. Menacing yet conflicted, Sandman is someone you could understand. I never felt that with the stupid Green Goblin. All the Sandman stuff is all great. The transformation scene is the best scene in the movie. It's poetry. That moment when he goes to grab the pretzel, I mean, the locket, and it slips through his sandy fingers...wow. I was thrilled with Sandman.



It's about time we held these movies up to better standards, okay brothers Raimi? We need comic book movies that are less bloated, lazy and cheap. We need them to be smarter. We need to care about the characters (even though the producers on the commentary track kept reminding us how much we care about them) like we cared about Christopher Reeve.


Wrapping up, I'd say that SPIDER-MAN 3 is not a terrible movie. It's a movie that made me feel terrible.



PRESHOW ENTERTAINMENT: THINGS THAT AREN'T HERE ANYMORE


This was a special from 1995. They made another in '98 which we'll get to someday. Our pizza came super fast, so we only got to watch 9 minutes of the show. But that was enough to see two segments. After watching them, we voted to watch more of this episode at a later RMC.


Hosted by Los Angeles radio and TV personality (for over half a century!) Ralph Story (who died in 2006), this was a guided tour telling us about things that, you guessed it, aren't there anymore. Each segment featured people who worked at the venues, reminiscing.


First up, The Big Red Car. Railcars that took you everywhere in L.A. Places you can't even get to today (try getting from Downtown to Venice now). Then came Clifton's Pacific Seas, the first of what would be nine locations. Exotic in a kitschy way, it was a tourist destination as well as local fave. It was a "pay what you wish" place, meaning, they never turned anyone away if they didn't have money. I think Denny's does that, right? This Clifton's closed in 1960, and is now, how does Joni Mitchell sing it? A parking lot. In fact, all but one of Clifton's is gone. There's one left, in Downtown L.A.


When the pizza guy came, the next segment was just about to start. I only caught a glimpse of it, and saw a man riding an ostrich. Yep. We'll be watching more of this one.

November 06, 2009

DON'T LOOK NOW

Your November Random Movie Club Results Are In!

Tagline: A psychic thriller.


Pizza: Numero Uno


Preshow Entertainment: John Waters - THIS FILTHY WORLD



DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT DONALD SUTHERLAND AND JULIE CHRISTIE ARE GOING ROEG


Ah. A Nicholas Roeg movie. When I worked in home video (read: video store clerk) in NYC, a lot of customers and employees just loved director Nicholas Roeg. I saw WALKABOUT when I was barely 14 (too young and stupid to really understand it) and six years later, THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH. But that's about it. I've always been interested in BAD TIMING, with its odd casting of Art Garfunkel, and DON'T LOOK NOW, which people always raved about. So now it's time to see if DON'T LOOK NOW deserves the raves it got, because it was randomly selected as this month's movie.


Husband and wife John and Laura Baxter's (Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie) daughter Christine accidentally drowns in the lake by their house. It's a harrowing opening scene (the best scene in the movie) that haunts you for an hour and fifty minutes, and then after the movie ends.

And maybe even the next day. So you could only imagine what it must have been like for them. And to accentuate the image, Christine was wearing a red raincoat (or mac, for you limey bastards). It's an image that gets burned in, sort of like that SCHINDLER'S LIST brat.

Later, the Baxters find themselves in Venice where he's in charge of restoring a church (and their lives). It's here that Laura encounters two sweet yet creepy sisters, one of which, Heather (Hilary Mason), claims to be a psychic. She also states that John is a seer, which would explain this; while Christine was drowning, John was looking at a red-raincoated girl in a slide of the church.

Because Laura is a distraught and fragile mom (she even packed Christine's ball to take to Venice with her), she believes it when Heather tells her Christine is happy. This changes Laura's demeanor to perky. Not so perky is John, who fears his wife's remedy may not be the best for her mental health. This leads the two of them to follow their own paths. And if all this isn't enough to worry about, there seems to be a killer lurking on the streets and canals of Venice.

Heather also warns Laura that John is in danger if he stays in Venice. And sure enough, John nearly buys it in a dazzling scene where Sutherland looks like he's doing a Cirque Du Soleil rope suspension. But was that a coincidence or was Heather right?

Things really kick in when John spots Laura on a boat going the opposite way up a canal. But how can that be? She went back to England. What is going on here??? Is John going crazy? Or did those creepy sisters have something to do with this? And wait, is John actually seeing visions of Christine in her red raincoat?

Don't look for answers to everything in DON'T LOOK NOW, for it's a psychological thriller whose loose ends don't always get tied. It leans more on mood than scares, all in a style almost its own. Roeg and his editor, Graeme Clifford (who right after this went on to cut THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, another underrated display of editing ), make creative use of time which keeps you wondering if what you're seeing is actually something that hasn't yet happened. The standout of this being the famous sex scene (more on this in a moment), where the shots alternate with those of the couple dressing to go out.

Also effective, the repetitive images, like glass breaking and water water everywhere (they are in Venice, after all). More central (yet obtuse) to the plot, a red Rorschach-looking pattern cropping up against a largely muted and earth tone movie (the pattern appears on the slide of the church and when Donald dangles). Red also shows up in an article of clothing hung on a line, a patch on John's scarf, or worse...a pool of blood. Other isolated images stand out too, like the drop-cloths flopped over the furniture in the lobby of the hotel, draped like ghosts in a haunted mansion. Even Venice itself has its romance stripped away, revealing it as a dank and dusky sewer.

It's not just the visuals that make the mood. There's an emotional depth that runs throughout this movie. Two forces working against each other; the hopeful mom willing to believe Christine is talking to the psychic from beyond the grave versus the skeptical dad who is constantly reminded (bombarded, even) with unexplainable situations and mocking images, like when a shroud comes off a statue he is installing at the church, revealing a demon sticking his tongue out at him. NOTE: I think it's a demon. It could be a gargoyle. Great. Now I'm going to be up all night trying to answer this too?

And speaking of religion, there are references aplenty. For starters, the daughter's name is Christine and his John Baxter (isn't there a religious John that had something to do with bodies under the water?). And the blind sister mentions religious upstart John Milton (who also ended up blind) liking Venice.

And now a word about the "legendary" sex scene between John and Laura. I thought seeing Sutherland's ass in ANIMAL HOUSE was enough for me, but lo, this sex scene is graphic and lengthy. Rumor has it that Sutherland and Christie were "method" actors here.




So was Roeg's ominous movie of Daphne Du Maurier's (THE BIRDS, REBECCA) story as good as the video store denizens claimed? I believe so. It's creepy, but it won't scare you. Don't look for Jason Vorhees' mother to be splashing about the canals of Venice. This movie is a mood movie, orchestrated using imagery and editing to make you feel uneasy. I always love movies that have a feel...and make you feel. DON'T LOOK NOW can haunt you. After all, why should the movie's characters be the only ones that are haunted?


PRESHOW ENTERTAINMENT: John Waters: THIS FILTHY WORLD

This is a videotaped live performance of John Waters talking about life (mostly his) to a crowd of students that don't look half as interested as he is. Waters is, undoubtedly, a personality, filled with so much joy that you begin to feel it too. The problem here is, instead of us patting him on the back, he does it to himself.

In THIS FILTHY WORLD, Waters takes credit for a lot of things, like tea-bagging. And he drops so many names it's hard to pick them all up. At one point, he actually says something like, "I don't want to drop names, but..." Too late, John!

Not exactly a lecture, not exactly a stand-up routine, and because of that, it doesn't exactly work. Yes, it's informative and at times amusing, but it's a bit boring. It has the cadence of a stand-up show, but one where the comedian is the only one laughing, exemplified by the audience barely clapping at the recognition of his movie titles, yet Waters was all too quick to say "thank you" when the lukewarm applause began.

There's no denying Waters' place in society. I'm so glad he's here. I like him and his movies. But this outing didn't quite work.

October 20, 2009

FREEDOM WRITERS


Your October Unrandom Movie Club Results Are In!

Tagline: Their story. Their world. Their future.

Preshow Entertainment: Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices

Pizza: Valley's Pizza Land



TO HER WITH LOVE



It must be me. I've become crotchety. For it seems as if I am the only one who hated FREEDOM WRITERS (2007). This is huge, coming from a guy who is a TIT sucker (Teachers Inspiring Teens). LEAN ON ME, MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS, DANGEROUS MINDS and TO SIR WITH LOVE...love them all. I think I may have even liked THE PRINCIPAL. But this one was an exhausting outing that just didn't feel real, which is troublesome as it's based on real events.

The prologue gives us footage and stats from the Rodney King riots (120 gang related killings in Long Beach, where this true story takes place), and a VO from student Eva (April L. Hernandez), telling us that we kill each other over "race, pride and respect". It ends with her saying: "War has been declared." And then we cut to:


The little teacher that could, Erin Gruwell (Hilary Swank), a non-stop perky soul. She's like Mary Richards with three times as many teeth. And to match her set of pearly whites, she wears white pearls, a necklace that the department head cautions her, in an overdone runner, not to wear to class. Why? Because Erin's class will consist of mostly F students with a 5th grade reading level, students whose dossiers tell of foster care, probation and disciplinary transfers. See, 75% of the good (read: white) students left two years ago when the district enacted voluntary integration.

It doesn't take long for a fight to erupt in Erin's classroom, maybe a whole 30 seconds. Later on, when a huge brawl breaks out in the courtyard, Erin looks on in shock, as if this has never happened in the world...or on YouTube. It didn't make me love the moment any more because she was standing in front of a giant peace sign. Uggh.

We all know the subtext of these movies: "Who is really the teacher and who is the student?" We get that. But how dare any person, real or fictional, walk into a class of troubled kids and not know what to expect. Was this woman just released from an isolation tank? How was this a surprise to her? This character (or at least how she's portrayed) is so unreal. She feels like a bad actress in a bad play in a bad theater. It's the ignorant way she approaches nearly everything, even the way she asks a Border's employee if she could get a bulk rate on books. It's played less like a smart and savvy teacher who knows what's going on in the world (how I imagine the real Gruwell is) and more like Anna Faris in THE HOUSE BUNNY. Cases in point:

On the second day, when she asks the class if they know Homer, "The Odyssey," one student cracks that he knows Homer the Simpson. In an attempt to get the class on her side, she retaliates with - "No, but he may have been bald like Homer Simpson!" and then laughs at her own silly joke. D'oh! I'm surprised they didn't pop her right there and then. Later, she brings in a boom box and starts dancing around with that stupid look on her face. Now it's me that wants to pop her. And it doesn't get better (pronouncing Tupac Shakur's name wrong, saying "my badness"). Yeah, I get that she's supposed to be lost here, but there's a fat line between clueless and dumbass. The kids aren't the only ones here who haven't done their homework.

At odds with not only the students but also the faculty, Erin decides to buy her kids some books out of her own pocket. To afford this (and to raise money for an upcoming event as well) Erin gets a second job as...a bra saleswoman, and then a third job as a hotel concierge, without telling her husband. Yeah, without letting her husband know. Wow, that's selfish and...wrong. I mean, it's truly noble what she's doing with these kids, but come on, you're pushing your husband away, which is especially egregious if your McHusband is played by Patrick Dempsey (as invisible in the movie as he is in Erin's life).

The only moments that felt real to me arrived when the kids read from the diaries that Erin suggests they write. These very diaries were the genesis of the movie, as the dialogue was all taken from the real life Freedom Writers.

Another problem I had with FREEDOM WRITERS is that it had no true grit. It was about tough kids and gangs yet it felt as shiny as WEST SIDE STORY. This made me doubt these things actually happened, not because they didn't (I'm sure they did), but because of the disingenuous, sometimes silly, and sometimes even condescending way they were executed in the film.

But by far, the biggest problem for me (at the risk of repeating myself) was Hilary Swank's quixotic choices. She's one of those actresses you really want to like as a person (I do, from what I've seen in interviews, etc.) and as an actor (she was stunning in BOYS DON'T CRY). But here I just kept thinking that her Erin is doing all this to make herself feel fulfilled, not to help the kids. And also...she's so damn annoying! When she returns home, she yelps out rapid-fire questions to her husband without even waiting for his answer. I realize they're setting this up for a payoff later in the movie, but man, who could live with someone like this?? She's losing her husband (and family-to-be) because of all this and she doesn't have to. She could have had both but she was selfish. Maybe the real Gruwell did this. Maybe she was always smiling. Maybe this and maybe that. But maybe in a movie, it maybe doesn't work. It has to come from a good place, like, for example, Jeff Bridges in TUCKER: A MAN AND HIS DREAM. He smiled all the way through also, but he was fighting for his dream. I never felt this was Gruwell's dream.


FREEDOM WRITERS does provide us with a treat with the appearance of character actress Pat Carroll. She plays the real life Miep Gies, the woman who hid Anne Frank and her family. A great scene commanded by a great actress (coincidentally, she played Mary Richard's hospital roomie in an episode of THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW). Also of note, Imelda Staunton as the staunch department head constantly trying to bring Erin and her enthusiasm down, though I often wondered why, as you couldn't argue with Erin's results. Staunton was still the most, if not one of the few, believable characters in the movie.

This movie should have had me crying my eyes out. All these TIT movies are supposed to do that. They're good at manipulating the tears. Hitting the beats just right. LEAN ON ME, which is so full of Nutrasweet that the DVD should come with a warning sticker, is a thousand times better at manipulating because you believed Morgan Freeman. I never believed Hilary Swank. Class dismissed.


PRESHOW ENTERTAINMENT: Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices

I love Giraldo. I first noticed him back, I don't know, maybe around 2002? Back before he went to a salon for his hair and his voice didn't yet achieve the rasp so many comedians get from non-stop patter (and alcohol). He was funny then and he's funny now. Though his subjects (gay, Puerto Rican day parade, fat kids, peanuts) aren't new, his take, delivery and timing are terrific. Known now for his frequent appearances on Comedy Central's roasts, MIDLIFE VICES is an hour-long, all-Giraldo treat. My favorite riff? "LOL!", and my favorite bit: "Snacks!" What's so funny about LOL and snacks? Maybe you should watch this and find out. Snacks!!

October 05, 2009

A FOREIGN AFFAIR

A Foreign Affair
Your October RMC Results Are In!

Tagline: It would make a cigar store Indian laugh ...


Preshow Entertainment: SHATNER'S RAW NERVE



ALL'S AFFAIR
IN LOVE AND WAR



Wow. I'm so happy the Random Movie Generator spat out this film. See, I am a huge Billy Wilder fan. He's my favorite filmmaker (but beware, on other days I may answer "Hitchcock"). Long ago, I devised a scheme that would allow me to see Billy Wilder films for the first time. Here is my secret: I intentionally didn't watch them all. Yep, I deprived myself of movies just so I could experience them for the first time at a later date. In a way, I am hoarding intellectual property. So although I've seen nearly all of Wilder's films many, many times, there are a select few that remain unseen. And tonight, I got to see one of them. Tonight made me happy.


Sometime between LOST WEEKEND and SUNSET BOULEVARD, between DOUBLE INDEMNITY and ACE IN THE HOLE, Billy Wilder made A FOREIGN AFFAIR.


War-torn streets of Berlin
WWII is over, and a planeload of congressmen spearheaded by Phoebe Frost (Jean Arthur) is on its way to the ruins of Berlin to investigate the morale of the troops. But when proper, by-the-books Frost gets wind that an American soldier is protecting a woman with ties to the Nazis (Marlene Dietrich as Erika Von Schluetow), she gets right on the case. For help, she enlists Captain John Pringle (John Lund), but little does she know that it is Pringle himself who is protecting Von Schluetow. And little does Pringle know of her Nazi ties.


A FOREIGN AFFAIR has all the ingredients of a top notch espionage thriller. But ready? It's a comedy. Sure, there are moments of drama (especially in the finale), but this movie is a farce. Shot in post-wartime Berlin (Wilder not only got complete approval, but was encouraged by the German authorities), we get to see actual footage of a city destroyed. A city where everyone is opportunistic; the Americans, Germans, Russians, everyone. In fact, Von Schluetow herself explains, "We've all become animals, with exactly one instinct left - self-preservation." To wit, the Brandenberg Gate (one of the only structures in that area that survived WWII) has become a bizarre bazaar where people trade nylons for chocolate bars, mattresses for birthday cakes, and in the case of Phoebe Frost, a woman who abhors such black market behavior, a beautiful dress for her typewriter (it was six extra typewriter ribbons for the shoes).


But what made Frost turn, and in such a short time? How did the only righteous person in the film get corrupted? Well, I don't have to tell you that she was swayed by that thing that corrupts the best of us - The McRib sandwich. Sorry, I was distracted. The answer, of course, is: love.


Though I enjoyed every single actor in this movie, Marlene Dietrich stands out as a one-time Nazi Hag (I didn't just say that, did I?) now relegated to singing heartbreaking songs of grievous irony in a club. Like the war-damaged apartment she lives in, Von Schluetow is a bombed-out empty artifact of what she once was, and Dietrich conveys it all. She seems to be the only one who truly knows how life works, whether she likes it or not.


Also of note, Jean Arthur, whose clear portrait of a woman protecting her emotions with an overly ripe righteousness is fun to watch. Just witnessing the way she meticulously puts her stuff away is hilarious. Wilder holds the camera on her forever. Offscreen, however, Wilder had his hands full with both women, as he is quoted: "I have one dame who's afraid to look at herself in a mirror and another who won't stop looking!" Arthur didn't even see the movie until years later.


AFA also treats us to a fascinating travelogue through the ruins of Berlin. This is where Frost first catches a few eyefuls of soldiers courting Frauleins, noting all in her little book. And it's when she breaks away from this tour that leads to an hysterical sequence, where two soldiers pick her up while they're trawling for Frauleins (sounds like a Fox reality show). She lets the charade (they think she's a German woman) continue to see what the soldiers say to her. The next thing she knows, she's in a club where she sees Von Schluetow perform (when she takes the stage, a single spotlight tracks her like a POW camp searchlight). It's a great song, "Black Market", that drips with sadness, as does a later song ; "Want to buy some illusions, slightly used, just like new..."


My favorite scene, however, takes place in the File Room where Frost is determined to find Von Schluetow's file. Here, both she and Pringle swap monologues about their past, and it's a great moment. Funny and sad and true all at the same time. Even the choreography/filibustering (you'll know what I mean if you've seen the movie) is perfect. Wilder at his best.


But what really impresses me is how they pulled off shooting a comedy so soon after the war was over, and amid the results of 75 tons of bombs. I'd like to see a filmmaker do that today. It's not like there aren't any war-torn countries. But who would make this film today? Michael Bay? Steven Soderbergh? Brett Ratner?



Wilder had an ear for dialogue, eye for detail, nose for humanity and teeth for biting sarcasm. And let's not omit the crackling cynicism, a trademark of his. How else can a comedy be whittled out of such tragic events? The humor is sharp yet soft, like Pringle using a hand signal to make a turn in his Jeep, though he's the only vehicle on the ravaged road. Or Von Schluetow inviting Frost over to her place: "Let's go up to my apartment. It's only a few ruins away from here."


The saddest thing about A FOREIGN AFFAIR is that it's (as of this writing) unavailable on DVD. So if you don't catch it on TCM (whose print is dark and murky, unless Wilder was trying his hand at chiaroscuro cinema), or live in a country where it's available, you're out of luck. The good news for me is that I got to see a Billy Wilder film for the first time. There are a few more in the RMC library, so maybe I'll get to see another new Wilder movie soon.




PRESHOW ENTERTAINMENT: SHATNER'S RAW NERVE: LEONARD NIMOY


Shatner interviews Leonard Nimoy
Shatner's great, but he's not an interviewer. And it's doubly awful because it's a "casual" show, largely unscripted. It better be. I'd hate to think they did a pre-interview. This is a show that starts nowhere and goes south. "Just end!" That's what we kept screaming. Man, I thought this would be fun, with all the history of these two loving and hating each other for 40 years.


And that's too bad, because although I'm not a STAR TREK nut (I do kinda like the original series, but not much more than that), I so like Shatner. I loved him in both of his TWILIGHT ZONEs and on BOSTON LEGAL. I like him on talk shows. I love love love HAS BEEN, his CD. But this is not the proper venue for him. I mean, do we really need to hear Nimoy yap about his photography prowess when he was 13? Only to have Shatner interrupt with questions that are so off story it's infuriating? But, if you want to know how Leonard Nimoy broke the news of his divorce to his father ("I was physically shaking."), well then this is the show for you.







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