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Tagline: 3% Body Fat. 1% Brain Activity.

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THE MOVIE ZOOLANDER IS A LOT LIKE ITS CHARACTER -
IT'S VACANT AND DRESSED UP IN FUNNY CLOTHES

What is it about him? I want to really like him, and when Ben Stiller plays the Everyman, I sort of do. But when he does characters, he's just Mike Myers to me.

I've never been a fan of movies where people make big faces, wear funny hats, speak in odd accents and have funny names. I need more. The movie could still be silly, but it needs to be more. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to ZOOLANDER (2001). I'm aware people love this movie. One RMCer, sitting on the couch behind me, was even quoting things before they happened, and the late Premiere Magazine voted it as one of the 50 best comedies. ZOOLANDER ranks high in the Clueless Character Collection so popular back then (DODGEBALL, BALLS OF FURY, BLADES OF GLORY, TALLADEGA NIGHTS, ANCHORMAN, etc.). "But Rich, you just said it ranks high, and in the sentence before, you sort of said it left you wanting more?" You're right, I did say that. And I stand by both those statements. You want clarity, read a science blog. This write-up, I warn you in advance, is all over the map.

Plot-wise, ZOOLANDER is THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE meets JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS; vacuous male model Derek Zoolander becomes an unwitting pawn in a plot to assassinate Malaysia's Prime Minister.

Derek became a worldwide star by utilizing his trademark modeling expression called Blue Steel. But, as in any profession, his star is about to fade. Owen Wilson plays Hansel, a fur-coated Razor scooting Zoolander rival. After a move that humiliates Derek on the public stage (as much as any model can be humiliated), Derek exiles himself from the biz. Sulking in his feety pajamas (Hey! I have feety pajamas too!) prompts the character's inner struggle - "Did you ever think there's something more to life than being really really really ridiculously good-looking?"

To find himself, he goes home, to coal mining country - in southern New Jersey, to his family; dad Larry (Jon Voight, who with his expressions of disdain and later, love, stole the movie), and brothers Luke (Vince Vaughan, uncredited) and Scrappy (Judah Friedlander, credited). But even that goes bad. Well sure it does, how can it go otherwise? A male model working in a coal mine? Anyway, when Larry sees his son Derek playing a mermaid in a commercial: "I just thank the Lord she (your mom) didn't live to see her son as a mermaid." Now although I laughed at that line (and Derek's comeback - "It's a merman!"),

I found myself exhausted at ZOOLANDER's relentless attempts at making a joke every nanosecond. There's only so much I can take of dumb male models' antics, like malapropisms, misspellings (their sign that says "Congradulashions") or their actions (they smash a computer open because they heard that the files are "in the computer"). Or when Time Magazine reporter Matilda (played by Stiller's wife, Christine Taylor) admits that when she was young she "became bulimic ," and Derek's awestruck response? "You read minds?!" Also incredibly assaulting, the runner of "Earth to (fill in character name)", which is repeated ad nauseam, so much so that a character in the movie actually tells them to stop doing it. And then there's the dick joke which actually features Andy Dick. I guess this is my problem with ZOOLANDER - it seems to rely on low rent gags. Again, this is not to say there's nothing funny in ZOOLANDER. When looking to recruit an assassin: "What about Fabio?" "Too smart." I also like the idea that both Stiller and Wilson play guys who are "professionally good-looking." Also fun, the statement/reversal on the typical female model stereotype. And small moments, like Derek's read of Time's headline - "A model, idiot," rather than "a model idiot."

Rising above the lowbrow, David Duchovny doing an appearance as a conspiracy whistleblower (trust no one?). I loved that he looked like Kevin Costner in the conspiracy-laden JFK, though the filmmakers claim it was more akin to Gene Hackman in ENEMY OF THE STATE - another conspiracy film. I'll tell you who I also liked. Christine Taylor playing the straight woman. With all the over the top costumes and face-making, it was nice to have a real person in there...and...she was good. She was the anti-Will Ferrell, who, in his silly hairstyle as designer Mugatu, chewed the scenery even more than the others. I also liked Milla Jovovich playing a Natasha to the hilt. Her name? Katinka Ingabogovinanana. I thought both actresses committed, at opposite ends of the acting spectrum, and found their perfect places in this inane and sometimes funny movie.

ZOOLANDER is rife with cameos, from Christian Slater to Lenny Kravitz to Winona Ryder to Natalie Portman. There's also an uncredited Anne Meara (Ben's mom, and half of legendary comedy team Stiller & Meara) was on hand (father Jerry has a much bigger part). Even Bowie appears in a set piece where Derek challenges Hansel to a "walk-off" on the runway.

One thing I thought they did great was the packages they put together for the VH-1 Fashion Awards. Finally, a parody worth parodying! And kudos to VH-1 for making fun of itself (they were one of the producers of ZOOLANDER). The idea for the movie was appropriated, appropriately, from a couple of skits from the VH-1 Fashion Awards, where Derek made his first appearances, though others will claim it was stolen from novelist Bret Easton Ellis's book GLAMORAMA, about a dim supermodel who unwittingly becomes entrenched in an international conspiracy (that suit was settled out of court). Baffling more than this possible pseudepigraphy incident is that ZOOLANDER's script "took years" and "millions of drafts," according to its three writers, Stiller, John Hamburg and the late Drake Sather.

ZOOLANDER, directed by Ben Stiller, is ridiculously heavy on plot. For a broad comedy, there's more plot here than in its template, THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. Personally, I think it would have worked better if the plot were smaller and not about brainwashing models to be assassins. But yeah, that's just me. Don't listen to me. This movie did great (the sequel comes out 2014), and people love it. I would have messed it up with my notes. Still, I can't help feeling that Stiller & Company thought this movie was funnier than it really is. Underneath the window dressing, there's not much there. It's like the emperor has no designer clothes.

Posted by Rich on May 18, 2013 at 10:00 AM | Permalink